When is the last time you were touched by someone? Was it powerful?
How much ‘being touched’ by people you hardly know would you say is acceptable? necessary? or even desirable?
Does the idea of being touched at work, electric or not, make you feel just a little bit uncomfortable or do you secretly hope that this blog is your ticket to becoming electric?
I wonder if your view changes when I define ‘being touched’ like this;
‘When something happens that moves you to emotion; when you feel affected or emotionally stirred’
Touch can be physical. It can be wonderful, especially the romantic variety, but rightly gets some pretty bad press if it’s inappropriately used or is non consensual.
Touching people emotionally is just as powerful and can be much longer lasting than physical touch. It can trigger passionate anger or deep compassion. It can be the making or breaking of a great relationship, creating the intimacy needed to build trust or demolishing years of hard work.
I can remember so many occasions in my life where a word or a gesture stirred extremely powerful emotions in me.
As Maya Angelou so beautifully put it;
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
How do you make people feel?
NEWS FLASH!!! If your ‘anti-fluff’ alarm has gone off, then let me reassure you that this may be about emotion but it’s not at all fluffy. It’s actually rock solid. It’s about emotionally intelligence; the capacity to acknowledge, manage and express emotion in your relationships with others appropriately, and it is critical to relationship success.
Practicing People Voodoo is about being an opportunist; seizing big and small opportunities to connect with others in an authentic and meaningful way, so emotional intelligence is very close to my heart.
If you’ve been told that you have a natural ability to connect with people then you have a real gift. Congratulations, use it well! If not, then don’t worry, because emotional intelligence is something you can learn and develop. You just need to work out a bit, to build your emotional muscle.
So today, let’s start at the beginning – with the senses!
One of the biggest barriers to connecting with others is being unable to connect with yourself; acknowledging your own emotions and what stirs them.
I know that when I feel hurt, it’s a if someone has grabbed my heart and squeezed it and for a split second I can’t breathe. Then a red hot surge in my chest, like a ball of hot lava, rushes from my chest up my neck and to my eyes, whilst the rest of my body feels heavy and numb like it’s encased in concrete.
Even though I can feel anger and love just as strongly, they feel physically very different.
- What do emotions feel like in your body? Can you describe them?
- Does your breathing become faster and more shallow or slower and deeper
- What is your heart doing?
- Do you feel any heat anywhere? or any tension?
- Is it more of a thud or a whooshing?
- How do the sensations change between being excited or angry, proud or frustrated, happy or afraid?
- What situations stir emotion in you?
- Do you know the triggers?
- Who do you know who has an electric touch?
People Voodoo is about being kind to yourself, so please resist the temptation to judge what you find. Every sensation is an important message to be listened to. Anger and fear serve a purpose, it’s what you do next that matters.
For the next few days why not spend some time fully experiencing your emotions in all their electric glory.
I’ll be back for more about reading emotions in others another day. Remember to sign up to get People Voodoo via email if you don’t want to miss it.